Turbo's IF THIS DONT MAKE YOU LAUGH - NOTHING WILL!!!

Re: Guts or Balls

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

where do ya get them :thumbsup:
 
Two Nuns

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.



Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.



SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

I'll pray for you!
 
Blonde Joke

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,

"I've heard just about enough of your degrading blonde jokes, asshole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde says,

"You stay out of this, Mister!
I'm talking to that little fecker on your knee!"
 
Sperm

what have illegal immigrants and sperm got in common??












they arrive in their millions but only one of them works. :lol:
 
Two Women On The Way Home

Two women on the way home from a night out stop in a graveyard for a piss.one wipes her fanny with her knickers and the other with a wreath.
The two husbands were in the pub the next day and the first man says....
`I'd better watch my wife,she came home last night with no knickers on`
The other man says.....
`Thats f**k all,mine came home with a card wedged up her arse saying 'We`ll never forget you,from all the boys at the fire station'.

:D
 
Confesssional

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his
priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together,
but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail
Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then
walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to
leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I
saw that.

You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box,
and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

____________________________________________________________



There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I
have sinned."



The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."



The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad
passionate love to me seven times."



The priest thought long and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and drink the juice."



The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"



The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your
face."

:pray: :lol:
 
A Chinese Man

A Chinese man phones his boss at work and says " Me no come in today ,me sick"boss says "When I'm ill I go home and make love to the wife, try that" 2 hours later the Chinaman phones up and says "Me better now boss,you have nice house.
 
Nelson Mandela

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.
When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under
Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting:
"Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.
on opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,
"You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him:

"Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name!

Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard and says:



(Wait for it)























(Get your best Chinese accent ready)























"You not Nissan Main Deala?"



:shock: I'll get my coat ! :headbanger:
 
The Mouse on the Barroom Floor

Some Guinness was spilled on the barroom floor
when the pub was shut for the night.
Out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
and stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy brew from the floor,
then back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long you could hear him roar,
'Bring on the goddam cat!'
 
Re: Blonde Joke

good but ya will never beat the dog one :thumbsup:
 
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