scoobyke
Well-known member
50 THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE TV
1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises
wearing their most revealing underwear.
2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St
Patrick's
Day parade - at any time of the year.
3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit
level
on
a woman but
only waist level on the man lying beside her.
4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
bread.
5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane,providing there is someone in
the
control
tower to talk you down.
6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
diving.
7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place.
No one
will ever think of
looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the
building
without difficulty.
8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake
of showing
someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
not be
necessary to
speak the language. A German accent will do.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in
Paris.
11. People on TV never finish their drinks.
12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
but
will
wince when a
woman tries to clean his wounds.
13. The chief of police is always wrong.
14. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out
a
note
- just grab one at
random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
15. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by
15
cm.
16. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
night,
you
should open
the fridge door and use that light instead.
17. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a
strip
club at least once.
18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
every
morning, even
though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
19 . Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
20. Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man
invulnerable to
bullets.
21. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a
football stadium.
22. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just
relax
and run a bath - even if
it's the middle of the afternoon.
23. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
24. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an
object
out of visual
range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
25. All single women have a cat.
26. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
27. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary
to
turn
the
steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
28. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all
t
han
20 men firing at one.
29. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely
investigated.
30. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by
frantically
beating the
cradle and saying, "Hello? Hello?"
31. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially
if any
of their
family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
32. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving
martial arts -
your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing
around
in a threatening
manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
33. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the
person you
are speaking
to it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
34. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room
will
still be clearly
visible, just slightly bluish.
35. Dogs alway s know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
36. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make
sure
they are
deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
37. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
each
other.
38. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal
damage
despite
laying entire cities to waste.
39. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity
system
is never damaged.
40. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide
with a
thunderstorm that has
brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
41. You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.
42. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
arch-enemies using complicated machinery
involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating
sharks
that will allow
their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
43. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's
eighth
birthday.
44. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and
accordions -
can be
played without moving the fingers.
45. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know
exactly when they're going to go off.
46. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you
are
visiting.
47. Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just
throw
the gun away. You
can always find a new one.
48. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
49. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
duty.
50. If you decide to start dancing in the street,everyone you bump
into
will
know all the steps.
************************
1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises
wearing their most revealing underwear.
2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St
Patrick's
Day parade - at any time of the year.
3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit
level
on
a woman but
only waist level on the man lying beside her.
4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
bread.
5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane,providing there is someone in
the
control
tower to talk you down.
6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
diving.
7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place.
No one
will ever think of
looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the
building
without difficulty.
8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake
of showing
someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
not be
necessary to
speak the language. A German accent will do.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in
Paris.
11. People on TV never finish their drinks.
12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
but
will
wince when a
woman tries to clean his wounds.
13. The chief of police is always wrong.
14. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out
a
note
- just grab one at
random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
15. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by
15
cm.
16. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
night,
you
should open
the fridge door and use that light instead.
17. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a
strip
club at least once.
18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
every
morning, even
though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
19 . Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
20. Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man
invulnerable to
bullets.
21. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a
football stadium.
22. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just
relax
and run a bath - even if
it's the middle of the afternoon.
23. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
24. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an
object
out of visual
range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
25. All single women have a cat.
26. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
27. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary
to
turn
the
steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
28. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all
t
han
20 men firing at one.
29. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely
investigated.
30. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by
frantically
beating the
cradle and saying, "Hello? Hello?"
31. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially
if any
of their
family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
32. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving
martial arts -
your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing
around
in a threatening
manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
33. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the
person you
are speaking
to it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
34. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room
will
still be clearly
visible, just slightly bluish.
35. Dogs alway s know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
36. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make
sure
they are
deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
37. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
each
other.
38. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal
damage
despite
laying entire cities to waste.
39. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity
system
is never damaged.
40. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide
with a
thunderstorm that has
brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
41. You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.
42. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
arch-enemies using complicated machinery
involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating
sharks
that will allow
their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
43. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's
eighth
birthday.
44. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and
accordions -
can be
played without moving the fingers.
45. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know
exactly when they're going to go off.
46. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you
are
visiting.
47. Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just
throw
the gun away. You
can always find a new one.
48. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
49. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
duty.
50. If you decide to start dancing in the street,everyone you bump
into
will
know all the steps.
************************
