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JohnyB
19-04-2007, 15:21
http://www.break.com/index/paintballer_gets_knocked_out_with_headshot.html

http://www.break.com/index/dude_gets_hit_by_over_300_paintballs.html

http://www.break.com/index/idiot_shoots_self_with_flare_gun.html

trevor m
19-04-2007, 22:02
first vid is class,second one the kid is not right in the head and ill say nothing about the fooking redneck in the last vid :whistle:

JohnyB
20-04-2007, 13:58
1. You leave clubs before the end to 'beat the rush'. (worse still you don't go to the clubs)

2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going clubbing the night before.

3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer / basketball player and start dreaming of having a son who might instead.

4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.¬* MyHome.ie and Daft.ie are your favourite websites.

5. All of a sudden, middle aged people are not 46, they are only 46.

6. Before going out anywhere, you ask whether there is anywhere to park.¬* :lol: :lol:

7. Rather than throw a knackered pair of¬* runners out, you keep them because they'll be alright for around the house jobs.

8. You buy T-shirts without anything written on them.

9. When visiting home for the weekend, you head to the local pub/nightclub and are genuinely shocked to see people you can remember being born or have babysat make up half of the pubs/clubs patrons.

10. You worry about your parents' health.

11. Your parents start to have a life of their own and go on more holidays/social events than you do.

12 . You have more disposable income, but everything you want or need to buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.

13. You actually start to pay off the balance on your credit card as it falls due.

14.¬* You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video as the sales assistant assumes they are for your children.¬* You are buying these things for your friend's child.

15. Pop music all starts to sound the same and you haven't a baldy who or what the latest pop sensations or boy bands are.

16. Oxegen is waaay too young. Electric Picnic is the way forward, far less packed and a lot more comfort. Comfort is now important.

15.On a long night out, you opt for Milanos over a quick take away because they do a really nice half-bottle of house red.

16.¬* You always have enough milk and toilet paper in, and your house is always relatively clean and tidy.

17 . To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent trendy bars and restaurants in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.

18 . While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon¬* RTE's Would You Believe. You get drawn in.¬* You remember being there when events are shown on Reeling Back the Years.

19 . The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.¬* You pay for your own VHI.

20. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from Woodies .

21 . You wish you had a shed.

22 . You have a shed.

23. You start considering doing stuff because its good for you, like eating healthily and walking places for the sake of walking not just to get from A to B.

24 . You actually find yourself saying 'They don't make 'em like that anymore' and 'I remember when there were only¬* 2 TV channels' and 'Not in my day....'

25 . Pat Kenny has some really interesting guests on the Late Late and you consider texting in a comment. ( FYI If you actually do, then you should be ticking the 40-50 age category).


26 . Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at rowdy school children.

27. You find yourself having discussions with your friends that when we were young, before all this Celtic Tiger lark we actually appreciated when we were given things from our parents and indeed we worked for what we got....while the young ones these days haven't a clue. (You really believe this).

28. Going to 21st's is a distant memory and if you do have to go to one its an irritation, in fact, your social calendar is taken up with 30th's, Weddings and Christenings.

29 You choose pubs where you can get a "nice seat for the night" over packed loud places.

30. Girls start to see the benefit of bringing a spare pair of flats in their handbag for the end of the night for sore feet. Barefoot walking on the path is now insane!

31 . You find yourself saying 'is it cold in here or is it just me

32 . You understand the above.

trevor m
20-04-2007, 21:00
oh sh1t i must be getting old coz i agree with at least half of them :lol: :lol:

flat4rumble
20-04-2007, 23:48
only half trevor,i agree with about 80% of them,god i feel old

JohnyB
21-04-2007, 07:43
how would a set of these bad boys look in 17's
:D :lol: :lol: :lol: :D

http://img255.imageshack.us/img255/5384/newwheelsvk3.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

JohnyB
21-04-2007, 07:46
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:

:) means a smile

and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some "A55ICONS?"
Here goes:


(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass


(!) a tight ass


(_*_) a sore ass


{_!_} a swishy ass


(_o_) an ass that's been around


(_x_) kiss my ass


(_X_) leave my ass alone


(_zzz_) a tired ass


(_E=mc2_) a smart ass


(_$_) Money coming out of his ass


(_?_) Dumb Ass

JohnyB
21-04-2007, 07:49
I think I may have seen it all now...
What you see below are not see-thru skirts..¬* ¬*They are actually prints on the skirts to make it look as if the knickers are visible and these are the current rage in Japan.¬*

http://img255.imageshack.us/img255/4747/knickersei1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

JohnyB
21-04-2007, 08:40
do you think he owed someone in the graphics dept money¬* :lol: :lol: :lol:

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/8056/tvpt6.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Norris!
21-04-2007, 12:54
OMG!

Hijpo
21-04-2007, 13:31
~(_!_)~

Smelly ass?... with the stink lines.... no?

useless, i appologise

Norris!
21-04-2007, 13:37
~(_!_)~

Smelly ass?... with the stink lines.... no?

useless, i appologise



haha :lol:

JohnyB
21-04-2007, 16:03
ha ha :lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbsup:

trevor m
21-04-2007, 16:57
oh pure class,maybe even in chrome :lol: :lol:

trevor m
21-04-2007, 16:59
busted :doh:

trevor m
21-04-2007, 17:02
i think you have to much time on ur hands johnny :dance:

maximusbiggus
22-04-2007, 13:30
Very Good!!! :lol: :D

AndyC
22-04-2007, 15:51
ah jesus, quick, back button back button! :noway:

AndyC
22-04-2007, 16:48
ah ha hahahahahahahaha quality!

trevor m
22-04-2007, 23:36
there cl-ASS :lol:

JohnyB
23-04-2007, 09:46
o yeah.... :lol: and a hard drive full of crap that I've been collectiing :headbanger:

JohnyB
23-04-2007, 10:54
A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a really beautiful
woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous
she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work
for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan:
"Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself:
"Damn, she doesn't work for Delta."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her
again, "Something special in the air?"
She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and
scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."
This time the woman turned on him, "What the f**k do you want?"
The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said "Ahhhhh,
Ryanair!!!

discobarr
23-04-2007, 15:28
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

daveR
23-04-2007, 22:56
:lol: :lol: :clap: :clap: its funny cos its true!!!

JohnyB
30-04-2007, 11:58
Your're as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit

My mouth's as dry as a nun's crack

He's so camp, he shites tent pegs

I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes

I feel like a boiled shite (hungover)

(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress

She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn

Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit

I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.

No show pony but would do for a ride around the house

I left her with a face like a painters radio

She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book

A sniper wouldn't take her out

Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle

She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked p*ss off a nettle.

She had a fanny like a badly packed kebab

If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall

Give her a boot in the hole and a bucket of mickeys would fall out of
her fanny

imported_admin
30-04-2007, 12:07
Very good... but I think they were posted last year on the old forum (if I remember correctly) ;)

nodge
30-04-2007, 13:27
yep by me!!
the second last one was my signature for a while - absolute classic!

Mick Spec C
30-04-2007, 13:38
:lol: :lol:

JohnyB
01-05-2007, 12:11
oops :oops: :D

Norris!
01-05-2007, 12:20
classic, the boys are brilliant!

JohnyB
01-05-2007, 23:47
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He
thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to
clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note
asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up
with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my t*ts. I can splash it on my face"

JohnyB
01-05-2007, 23:51
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him
on his way,

At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch
whisky,

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie.She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a full breakfast:bacon, eggs, sausages and tomatoes with freshly squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.As she was pouring, he noticed a £5note sticking out from under the
cup's bottom edge."All this was just too wonderful for words", he said, "but what's the five quid for?"

"Well," said the dumb blonde,
"last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and
that we should do something special for you".
"I asked him what to give you".

He said "F**k him !!, Give him a fiver".

She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea".

JohnyB
01-05-2007, 23:57
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says
his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay,
he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consu lt with the bank
manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out
there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants
to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is
this?"
¬*
(you're gonna love this)
¬*
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
¬*
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a
Rolling Stone." :roll: :lol:

JohnyB
01-05-2007, 23:59
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into
the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said.. "Just get out."

**************************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.

**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed
him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

**************************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the
convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
chardonnay."

**************************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,
"CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at
once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK!

Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use
the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think
I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels
like when I'm driving."

davelegacy
02-05-2007, 01:10
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed
him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."



I Liked this........... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbsup:

Norris!
02-05-2007, 01:17
lol that is classic

Turbo
02-05-2007, 03:49
:doh: :shoot:

Turbo
02-05-2007, 03:50
:D :thumbsup:

six spoke clive
02-05-2007, 11:06
:hang: :hang: :hang: :hang: :hang: :hang: :hang: :hang: :hang: :hang: :hang: :hang: :hang: :hang:

johng
02-05-2007, 12:14
Plus Podge and rodge chat-up-line, they work, honest...

1.DO YOU SLEEP ON YER STOMACH.... CAN I...?

2.DO YA WANT TO SEE SOMETHING SWELL...?

3.HEY BABY, WHY DON'T YOU SIT ON MY LAP AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT THE 1ST THING THAT POPS UP...

4.HEY BABY, CAN I TICKLE YER BELLYBUTTON FROM THE INSIDE?

5.LETS PLAY ARMY... I'LL LIE DOWN AND YOU BLOW ME UP...

6.HOW ABOUT YOU SIT ON MY LAP AND WE'LL STRAIGHTEN SOMETHING OUT...?

7.I LOVE EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY... ESPECIALLY MINE!!!

8.AM NO FRED FLINTSTONE... BUT I CAN SURE MAKE YER BED ROCK...

9.I WANT TO KISS YOU PASSIONATELY ON THE LIPS..AND THEN MOVE UP TO YER
BELLY BUTTON!!!!!!!

10.IS THAT A KEG IN YER DRESS... CAUSE I'D LOVE TO TAP THAT ARSE!!!!!!

11.I'VE GOT THE HOT DOG AND YOU'VE GOT THE BUNS!!!!!

12.I'VE JUST GOTTEN GOVERNMENT FUNDING FOR A 4 HOUR EXPEDITION TO YER G-SPOT!!!!!

13.WHATS A NICE GIRL LIKE YOU DOIN IN A PERVERTS MIND LIKE MINE?

14.WHY DON'T WE GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND DO ALL THE THINGS AM GOIN TO TELL ME MATES WE DONE ANYWAY!!!!

15.MY FACE IS LEAVING IN 15 MINUTES.....BE ON IT!!!!

16.NICE LEGS....WHAT TIME DO THEY OPEN?

17.SCREW ME IF AM WRONG... BUT IS YOUR NAME FHTGRYEU?

18.THE WORD OF THE DAY IS "LEGS"...LETS GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND SPREAD
THE WORD!!!!!!

19.YOU'VE GOT 206 BONES IN YER BODY... ONE MORE WON'T HURT!!!

20.YOU WITH THOSE CURVES... AND ME WITH NO BRAKES!!!!

davelegacy
02-05-2007, 23:34
:hang: :hang: :computer: :computer: :doh: :doh: :doh:

Norris!
02-05-2007, 23:45
for crying out loud . . . . . .

JohnyB
03-05-2007, 11:00
o yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :smokin:

JohnyB
03-05-2007, 11:20
1. Before changing lanes you should:
(A) signal.
(B) check.
(C) both a & b.
(D) just swing into the lane without doing either a or b.

2. The top light on a traffic signal is:
(A) red.
(B) yellow.
(C) green.
(D) Who cares, it doesn't apply to me anyway.

3. The speed limit in a residential area is:
(A) 35 MPH.
(B) 25 MPH.
(C) 45 MPH.
(D) I paid $65,000 for this car, I'll drive as fast as I want.

4. In California, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should:
(A) slow to a walking pace.
(B) go around the block.
(C) stop.
(D) speed up and honk your horn.

5. In the other 49 states, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should:
(A) maintain your speed.
(B) slow a little.
(C) slow a lot.
(D) speed up and don't bother honking your horn.

6. Your may make a left turn from the right lane:
(A) never.
(B) when there is a left turn arrow.
(C) on Sunday at 2 A.M.
(D) When ever you darn well feel like it.

7. When a school bus has flashing red lights, you:
(A) must stop.
(B) may pass on the left after checking.
(C) may pass after slowing to 5 MPH.
(D) use your car phone to order chinese food while passing on the left.

8. When you hear an emergency vehicle siren, you should:
(A) pull to the right and stop.
(B) pull into the nearest car wash.
(C) roll down your windows.
(D) turn up the radio and ignore it.

9. You may make a U-turn in front of a fire station:
(A) never.
(B) when the doors are closed.
(C) if there are no police around.
(D) when you have missed your turn.

10. When approaching a traffic light where cars are stopped, you should:
(A) relax.
(B) watch the signal.
(C) stop a safe distance back from the car in front.
(D) call your wife/secretary on your car phone so everyone can see that you have a car phone.

11. When turning onto a side street, you should signal:
(A) two blocks before turning.
(B) two car lengths before turning.
(C) two miles before turning.
(D) what for, if the guy behind me hits me, I'll sue him.

12. A U-turn in a business district is legal:
(A) only at an intersection.
(B) always.
(C) never.
(D) if I pass a sale at the jewelers.

13. Parking in a red-zone is permitted:
(A) never.
(B) on Sunday.
(C) if there is a fire hydrant.
(D) when I'll only be there for five minutes.

Scoring: If you answered 'd' on every question, you have a perfect score. You are certified to drive a Mercedes Benz/BMW Automobile. You may, at your discretion, proceed to your nearest Mercedes Benz or BMW authorized distributor and select the Mercedes Benz or BMW Automobile of your choice. If you answered a, b, or c on two or fewer questions, you may request a retest in two weeks time. Please study the Mercedes Benz or BMW motor vehicle guide in preparation for your retest. If you answered a, b, or c on more than two questions, we're sorry, you just don't have the proper attitude to be a Mercedes Benz or BMW Automobile driver. Perhaps you should consider a good car. Thank you for your interest in Mercedes Benz and BMW Automobiles.

imported_admin
03-05-2007, 11:21
I think that's worthy of a yellow card... another one like that and you may get a temporary ban :D

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Norris!
03-05-2007, 13:28
http://www.britishcouncil.org/korea-sport-football-culture-yellow_card-314x225.jpg

Norris!
03-05-2007, 13:30
dont let Daveleggy see that!

Dagnut
03-05-2007, 15:55
very rarely a joke actually makes me angry..Imagine someone thinking that up and actually thinking it would entertain people

davelegacy
03-05-2007, 18:21
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

trevor m
03-05-2007, 21:12
fair play johnny thats brilliant :lol: :lol:

trevor m
03-05-2007, 21:14
:headbanger: :headbanger:

davelegacy
03-05-2007, 21:28
ha ha

JohnyB
04-05-2007, 02:39
¬* :lol: :lol: :twofinger:¬* :lol: :lol:
fine then I wont tell ya the one about the gorilla..... :cry:

JohnyB
04-05-2007, 02:49
:lol: :lol: :lol:

kanye west
04-05-2007, 13:25
:wall: :wall: Oh tell us the gorilla one. It cant be any worse (can it) :whistle: :whistle:

JohnyB
04-05-2007, 21:50
yes it can...basically,it involves a gorilla his mate, a shotgun and a jack russell going gorilla hunting....put it this way its a 7-8 pinter :guinness: :lol: :lol:

JohnyB
08-05-2007, 22:55
http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/2384/plainandsimple1ih8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

JohnyB
08-05-2007, 22:57
http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/2823/parking11pn5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Norris!
08-05-2007, 23:41
hehehehe :D

trevor m
10-05-2007, 22:05
:lol: :lol: :clap: :clap:

daveR
10-05-2007, 22:34
Thats class

:lol: :lol: :lol:

:thumbsup:

Norris!
10-05-2007, 23:57
wrooooooooong

scoobyke
11-05-2007, 22:14
:lol: :lol: :lol: Very good

JohnyB
15-05-2007, 21:00
Bathroom Wall

http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/8104/restroomfz0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

:lol: :lol:

JohnyB
15-05-2007, 21:02
Street Art:
http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/2000/image018ad1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)


http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/4606/image019nx4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

cally
15-05-2007, 23:22
:worship: :thumbsup: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :lol: :lol: :lol: :D

Turbo
17-05-2007, 02:40
So are you going to tell them the gorilla one - I know that joke & it's a 20 pinter at least !

davelegacy
17-05-2007, 23:42
that street art is un-fcuking believable....


to thinking it gets walked over and washed away...

JohnyB
18-05-2007, 10:12
yeah I know... I have another few pics will post them up later, there is a cool one of the globe and a side shot so you see how big the damn thing is :shock:
always throw these people a few euros its not begging its working really damn hard :thumbsup:

JohnyB
19-05-2007, 00:49
Some more street art:

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/3161/image008wq0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/9355/image009gh0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/6628/image010oz6.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/5884/image011yb0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/9890/image015ze8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

And For the Globe

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/4744/image016aw5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/9717/image017pr5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

JohnyB
19-05-2007, 00:58
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

http://funnyjunk.com/movies/709/Wanna+Help+The+Hot+Chick/

JohnyB
19-05-2007, 01:10
Memories of club 92 :guinness:
and who says white men have no Rhythm :dance:

http://funnyjunk.com/movies/173/Evolution+Of+Dance/

JohnyB
19-05-2007, 01:17
100% pure skill :worship:

http://funnyjunk.com/movies/671/Guitar+Skills/

davelegacy
19-05-2007, 01:38
that dance one is good